After years of being on a crash course with self-destruction, I woke up on the morning of February 11, 2014, knowing that something in my life had to change. At the rate I was going, it was certain, if I continued my self-destructive tendencies, that I’d do something that would end everything for me. For the previous few days, knowing that my party was coming to an end, I locked myself in my apartment and drank an endless amount of alcohol all by myself, to blackout, for 72 straight hours. On the morning of the 11th, I felt hungover, depressed, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt, in an utter state of despair. That day serves to remain as the day that I stopped drinking and the day that I began to unravel the incredible mess that was my life. To this day, four-plus years later, I have not had one single sip of alcohol. So far the journey has been messy, non-linear, confusing, emotional, insightful, and humbling. February 11th, 2014 is my sober day.
A Comeback From Addiction will serve to shed light on the learning process that began on the day I decided to stop drinking. Millions of people all across the world suffer from the disease that is addiction and alcoholism. Everyone’s journey through recovery is unique and personal, although the devastating backstories are generally very similar. The following pages will describe the process that I’ve gone through to stay clean and sober ever since 2/11/14.
Experiencing the “reveal” of my new reality once I quit drinking was a very humbling process. To this day it continues, although it’s substantially settled down, for now. Some of the extraordinary and not-expected features of the reveal were: understanding myself as an introvert; understanding how ego played a role in my addictive tendencies; transferring addictions; coping with extreme depression/suicidal tendencies; over-training as an endurance athlete; understanding the role that “fear” has had in my life; how psychotherapy plays a pivotal role in my continued sobriety; and lastly, what it was like to go public with my admissions to alcoholism and addiction.
As well as being a story through my process of recovery these pages also help me to stay accountable to myself. While writing Appetite for Addiction helped serve that purpose, this book will help to continue to put the pieces of the puzzle together in a manageable and sustainable way. With writing, I am better able to process the emotional and physical transitions that have occurred in a relatively short amount of time. Putting pen to paper also keeps my mind at bay, because, let’s face it, I’ve got a pretty rabid squirrel cage between my ears when left unchecked, can create more anxiety than I need. Some folks in recovery say that a relapse can be a part of their respective process. Who am I to say that I will never drink again? To say so would be ignorant and completely disrespectful to the challenges that the future may hold for me. This book will also serve as a reminder to myself of all of the wholesome and genuine work that I’ve put in over the last few years to get to where I am today.
If I walked out of this coffee shop that I’m sitting in today and over to the nearby liquor store to buy a fifth of Crown Royal, all of that authentic and honest work would vanish in an instant. I’d have to start the process all over again. That notion is not a very interesting option for me. Despite the heartache, that sobriety brings for my soul in some regards, the positive growth that I’ve experienced far outweighs the alternative. I hope to keep growing as a person as much as I can. This book will help me continue to forge ahead in this ever-evolving process.
With that, A Comeback from Addiction is coming soon!