Day 18 –
4:15AM – Coffee/Meditation
Intentionality. For me it’s now about doing one thing at a time. I tend to thrive when I focus on doing an act of singularity as opposed to trying to “multi-task,” whatever that word means.
Normally in the mornings after coffee, meditation, and breakfast, I launch into about an hour of stretching and foam rolling to get ready for my morning run. While doing so this morning I had a bit of a breakthrough. Instead of listening to a good quality podcast (my go-to’s are Rich Roll, Michael Gervais, Julie Piatt, and Guru Singh) I kept the radio off and focused on just the single act of stretching. My only focus was to prepare my body for the days physical efforts. To my surprise something else happened.
While rolling out my left quadricep I had a very profound flashback from when I was a child. At this point of my journey I am not ready to talk publicly about what specifically happened, all I can say is that the memory came rushing back with a vengeance and I was reminded of a very significant turning point in my emotional development; I re-lived the moment that I became hostage to the idea of needing reassurance for everything that I have ever done as a human being. Moments after this flashback I find myself sitting here writing in complete awe, fascinated as to why this memory had not resurfaced sooner. The instance that I speak of is a very important fabric to my being, I cannot believe that I haven’t acknowledged it’s existence with more persistence.
Would this realization have happened if I had been stretching and listening to the radio (ie. multi-tasking)? Maybe, maybe not. Who’s to say when the memory would have resurfaced. However I do believe that this morning, acting with sheer intentionality, something important occurred that may not have happened if I had been doing more than one thing at a time. The puzzle that is my life continues to come together and I feel lucky for it.
I feel a sense of purpose as I approach today. I feel detached from a results-driven mindset. I am truly beginning to see the effects of the last 18 days of practicing a better sense of mindfulness. Today will be about living in the moment, the present, feeling each step as I push forward in this journey of self-discovery. Today I feel free to go kick some fucking ass on my own terms.