4:30AM – Coffee / Meditation
Here’s why I have trouble sometimes with Facebook. You know when you login and there is a section that gives you suggested friends? Well, yesterday I saw a guy that I used to be “friends” with come up, meaning that at some point he had “unfriended” me. It pissed me off for about an hour on the drive home yesterday. I realize this is ridiculous thinking in so many ways. Who’s to say why he “unfriended me” or if he had to start his account all over again. Maybe it has nothing to do with me. The point is, why the fuck do I care? Something inside me may still need the approval that I’m a good person. It’s silly to me the stuff that can sneak through the cracks and affect me like that sometimes. Perhaps it’s another reminder to stay persistent on the only work I have the power to do, on myself.
While meditating this morning the welcomed thought and reminder came through about how I can cope with emotional stressors. Part of the reason why I took on this 20 day challenge was to create habits around the idea of mindfulness, implementing techniques to help me navigate the comings and goings of any given day. I am reminded that I have the power to create my own reality, my reactions to stress are of my own making, no one else’s. For me, I tend to create my own suffering by letting my thoughts dictate my actions. Therefore, if I stay diligent on responding to stress by being calm, having a smile, and quieting my mind, I feel like I will continue to have a chance at getting through any situation that life throws my way.
7:00PM – I had a hard conversation with a close friend last night about the struggles I am having in my mind lately. It was a tough situation to talk about, for both parties I’m sure. For me, it’s important that I continue to be open and honest with my friends. The minute I start bottling shit up and internalizing all of my thoughts and feelings is when I can plummet down the rabbit hole and into a cave of self-pity and despair. I don’t want to go there but for some reason I’m still drawn to that place.
Meditation/ginger concoction/reading/bed. I’m tired tonight.