On a daily basis, many people from all walks of life inspire me. I’ve been listening to David Goggins’ podcasts lately. David is an Ex-NAVY SEAL, fellow ultra-endurance athlete, and an all-around total bad-ass. After hearing David’s direct message of “stop asking the questions and just fucking do it,” I have moved literally from hearing his message of inspiration to putting it into action.
Being in recovery for me has been about taking action, about having the willingness to see things from a different perspective. For so many years, I remained satisfied with how life was going, unwilling to take a look at the various character defects that penetrated my being. Confidence as a person, self-image issues, and a constant need for reassurance, were just a few that have been prevalent for me. Drinking and drugs were symptoms of my lack of courage to step outside of this comfort zone and really ask the questions of who the fuck I am.
The day I stopped drinking, February 11th, 2014, I made a decision that I could simply no longer handle alcohol. At the time, my action was to stay away from picking up the first drink. Today, in recovery, taking action is about so much more. Every day revelations abound about who I am, what I stand for, and what I do.
There is absolutely no way that I could have predicted what would happen in the future on the day I stopped drinking. Today, which occupies that future, I’m living out a fucking fantasy of pursuing a lifelong childhood dream of becoming a professional athlete. I have no idea where this process will take me, perhaps nowhere, perhaps somewhere unimaginable. But how I proceed is not about the end goal or the end result; it’s about finding out what it means to put my heart, soul, and every shred of energy into a process for which no blueprint exists, for which no determinations can be made.
More so, I have amassed the confidence to write my own memoir, Appetite for Addiction, about what led up to the day that I decided to stop drinking. Through the act of writing, I am able to continue drilling down into my core and my haunting past so that I am able to understand specifically where I came from and what I need to confront in myself. In recovery, a clear component is to let go of the past, forget about the future, and live in the present. For this alcoholic, it is important to respect the past and use those experiences to continue to mold a new life and carve out new paths which I never thought could exist.
So many aspects of my life have changed since 2014. Those changes really astound me. Back then, my main concerns had to do with not making enough money, not having enough girls in my life, and where I was going to get my next drink. Each apprehension was like a drug where I chased the proverbial high each could provide. I’m relieved to say that now, today, none of these worries have the power and control they once had over me.
This February 11, I begin another new chapter as I turn the page on the third year of laying off the booze. I’m focusing on what it means to participate in the journey of self-discovery. In the past, I was terrified to know the answer. Today I’m fucking stoked to be able to explore this notion in an honest and authentic way.
There’s no finish line to this process. The one rule that I have established for myself is to not drink or use. That’s it. As long as I follow this rule every single day I am convinced that true self-discovery will continue. How can it not? The last three years of physical, mental, and spiritual growth are legitimate reliable proof that this process is indeed working. Today I feel like one of the luckiest dudes in the world, happy in the life I’m living. Sure there are bumps and bruises along the way, but they are far less destructive and entirely more manageable than they used to be.
In the spirit of David Goggins, I have come to the conclusion that I’ve spent my entire life asking questions of myself. Can I do this? Can I achieve that? Can I be this, can I be that? I’m sick of living this way, in self-bondage, and am ready to move forward with the mindset that if I think I can do it and if I want to do it then I am just fucking gonna do it.
Thank you to everyone who has traveled with me over the last three years. May we continue on this journey together, a little bit, each and every day.
Check out David’s conversation with Rich Roll that helped me wade through the inspiration to take some action: http://www.richroll.com/podcast/david-goggins/
Edited by Lyn Horton